she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
