Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
