Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
