I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
