You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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