so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
