I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
