Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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