Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
