All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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