I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
