maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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