where am i from again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
