i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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