You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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