i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
