..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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