I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
