Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
