yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I enjoy the company of your penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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