my being single is dangerous.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
