I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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