not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
