I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize