when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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