I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
