Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
