he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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