when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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