you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize