Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're like the curious george of whores
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
