so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
