My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
