Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
