so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize