Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
