threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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