I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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