I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
