haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
