oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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