Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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