Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
