Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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