About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ladies don't puke and tell
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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