By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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