yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
