I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just gift wrapped bread.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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