this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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