she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
