before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize