Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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