New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
