so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
