Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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