I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
