from now on my penis is your penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
