That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize