yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
