Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
