The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
