where am i from again
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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