that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
