yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
